Garden of the Jungle Gods

PIPES!

2005-06-30T09:18:00.000-05:00

pipes1
Originally uploaded by prettyminotaur.

prepare to die, earth scum.

2005-05-06T09:28:00.000-05:00

there's a ghost in my room, and he says i'd better run...

2005-05-04T08:40:00.000-05:00

i am working on the new novel again.

go ahead, make my novel, i say--sitting down to wrestle with characters i've known far too long, people who have been sitting idly in my mind like unused poppets in a dollhouse, waiting for the next scene. certain things set them off, add traits to them, evoke that special sort of artistic schizophrenia that i've only ever been able to explain to fellow fiction-grubbers. find myself drawn to strange things. scraps of ribbon, dead pigeons in gutters, saint sebastian, the brightly colored cocktail umbrellas that i scattered all over my desk last night, leaving out the pink one, because it just wasn't right.

on my own time, i do many strange, secret things that aren't me at all--just manifestations of whoever i'm trying to write out of myself at any given time, little tics and nuances of characters. sometimes i wonder if that's all i've got, if the life in between is some sort of weird web of spittle and glue and unfounded paranoia. there's been a lot of that going around lately. my usual self-saboteur style. i don't mean to do it. i'll stop.

xoxox
j.

THE WRECKS

2005-04-28T14:08:00.000-05:00

WRECKS
Originally uploaded by prettyminotaur.

Courtesy of Rob Goldberg.

The Wrecks. All style, no substance.
Until I get electricity, anyway.

just bet on the three-legged horses with the beautiful names.

2005-04-28T10:53:00.000-05:00

death from above and controller.controller have restored my faith in going to rock shows. honestly, it has been a while since i got that buzz from show-going. i think it's the combination of moving and this beautiful weather, which makes the thought of sitting on a veranda sipping mojitos and listening to records with friends so much more appealing than going to a smoky dark club, mainlining bourbon, and pogoing my ass off.

that said, i am most happy in the latter environs, especially when the rock is brought as soundly as it was last night. still, i've got to get back on track. my writing(fiction) has been faltering in favor of mercenary freelance work, despite some revelations about how best to tackle the new novel; my sleep patterns are erratic due to X-Box gluttony, and i find myself addicted to the $7 indian lunch buffet at the Kathmandu Kitchen. which is fine, of course, but not when i'm supposed to be visiting the Current gallery for an art review.

oh, damn and damn, i want saag and korma.
again.

xoxox
j.

well knock me over and call me sally.

2005-04-22T15:46:00.000-05:00

INFP - the Healer
You scored 27% I to E, 5% N to S, 42% F to T, and 68% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more feeling based than thinking based, and you prefer to go with the flow rather than having a plan. Your type can best be summarized by the word "Healer", which belongs to the larger group of idealists. You have a capacity for caring that is deeper than most. You strive for unity, are fascinated by the battles between good and evil, and can be something of an idealist. Only 1% of the population shares your type.
As a romantic partner, you are usually supprtive and nuturing, however, you have a high need for individuality. Harmony is extremely important to you as you are very affected by conflict and tension, which also makes you resist confronting your partner directly about problems. When you get angry, you usually blame yourself, rather than your partner. You can also be stubborn and unyielding when you feel you are being criticized or mistreated. You feel the most appreciated when your partner listens to you carefully. You need to be understood. You need to hear your partner express their feelings, the more often, the better. Your group summary: idealists (NF)
Your type summary: INFP

(don't ever think ever think ever think too much)

2005-04-19T09:09:00.000-05:00

behold! for i am procrastinatron, capable of completely ignoring simple tasks until the last possible gasping moment!yeah, i'm doing that again. stressed out about moving. saw my landlord yesterday, heard for the 5th time "what, you're not moved in yet?" i need to just bite the bullet, set a date, rent that fucking van and get it done. because i have a sneaking suspicion that my landlord has a sneaking suspicion that i plan to use the hampden apartment as some sort of flophouse for mendicants and boozers. who, me?anyway, there are still a lot of things that i can move with my car, so I'm going to keep on going with that. there are just too many other concerns now. car stuff, freelance stuff, work stuff, and there's only me to hold it all together. which is typical, and expected, but i don't know if all y'all noticed--girl's kind of a scatterbrain.

anyway, if the landlord goes into my apartment, he'll see that i am TRYING to move, TRYING to get all my stuff from one place to another, while babysitting my friend's dog, working at the barn, writing lots of copy for CP and Goucher, getting my car registered, attempting to work on my manuscripts, and saving the world from marauding zombies who ooze tapioca pudding. surely that counts for something, yes?

xoxoxo
j

p.s. there is a hawk screeching outside my window this morning. like that. yes, just like that.

i don't know why i'm doing this at all, this way...

2005-04-12T10:37:00.000-05:00

completely overwhelmed, and all i really want to do is party. need to pack/move to my new house, and clean out the old house. need to get my car registered/inspected/get my license changed to MD, finally. need to sort out some bullshit with my current landlord.

have a pile of freelance work/interview transcriptions to do. need to cash some cheques. need to mail in my taxes. need to figure out what the fuck happened to my prescription. need to get some media hits here at my day job. 10-12 press releases to write.

need tofu scramble from one world. need melt-banana. need gatorade and rock and roll.

xoxox
j

10-4, good buddy...destroy.

2005-04-06T10:03:00.000-05:00

i don't often steal magazines from the gym, and especially not Men's Journal, but when's the last time YOU read a really compelling piece about ayahuasca? Paul Theroux. check it out.insanely busy, but is that anything new? no.

skipping knit night to go to Maud Casey's reading, she's one of the most amazing writers I know, really open and blissed out and tenacious. so, psyched about that. also going to do my taxes. also on two deadlines. also trying to start packing up my old apartment, naugahyde, guinea pig, and all. also need to do a whole bunch of crap at the DMV, and get my oil changed. also sipping "a delicate oriental tea with distinctive aroma and exquisite flavour." right.

of course, you know me, i'll probably just say "screw all this!" and end up blitzed watching Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or falling asleep on my couch in the middle of a heated God of War session.

Typical me, typical me, typical me.

xoxox
j.

i'm staring at the typewriter, i guess they call this painting in a cave...

2005-04-05T10:30:00.000-05:00

man, i am super productive today! and when i say productive, i don't mean expectorating lots of phlegm...i mean actually making an appointment to get my taxes done, finagling an x-box from a friendly myspace person, writing press releases about Sudanese slaves and "fascism and violins," and actually interviewing the guy for my big-ass Poe article, which needs to be written sometime between now and Thursday.

all of this contrasts quite sharpishly with my subdued, sick-of-it-all mood. i think Poe brought it on. i mean, i don't know if all y'all know much about my boy Edgar, but he was one of the most prolific, dedicated, focused men in American letters. he published inhuman amounts of work, while nursing a sick wife, struggling with low alcohol tolerance, and battling critics.

me, i hack away night after night in relative comfort and decency, attempting to rewrite my novel about neo-hippies, vampiric mice, and metempsychosis, working on a grand manifesto about the backstabbery and petulance of Baltimore youth culture, creating self-addressed stamped envelopes, scouring submission requests and writer's resources for small literary magazines and publishers that might, mmmmaybe miiiiight take on some small poem/memoir/story in exchange for free copies and a ridiculous biography in which i inevitably mention interpretive dance...

i guess i just get disillusioned from time to time, despite the success that i have had and shall continue to have. it's funny--everyone knows i'm a writer, but at the same time, no one knows. it's a marked change from my days at carefree lane, sharing drafts with the other Hollins freaks. and i get frustrated, clawing away at this, frustrated keeping it all to myself all the time. it helps having musician and artist friends--others who understand having a life beyond the day job, knowing that there's more to life than this.

but i get antsy sometimes.

xoxox

j.

p.s. there are two women with blatantly dyed red crew cuts outside my office, pacing around the fountain and jabbering into their cell phones. their repetitive movement is amusing, yet oddly soothing.

fuck rufus griswold!

2005-04-05T09:54:00.000-05:00

i'm back, in full effect...going to start reposting my myspace blogs on here, since WOW, it seems that people are actually reading this...

in working on a large A&E opener piece about a new biography on edgar poe, my vitriol for one Rufus Griswold, the will executor/rival who cast a slanderous veil over the facts concerning daddy poe's drunkenness/morbidity/morals, has returned full-force. i'm supposed to interview the author of the book below today, and i'm afraid that my oh-so-professional attempts at biasless poe scholarhood will degenerate into cries of "FUCK RUFUS GRISWOLD!!"

oh my.

this weekend: signed my lease, let j-roddy walston and his esteem-ed business restore my faith in southern weirdo rock, played video games with a roomful of redoubtable gentlemen(plus scott and fluffy), attended the first meeting of flight club, worked out, tortured myself with rewrites on the new novel, watched cheesy horror films, developed headache which prompted my mother to say "drink coffee, it will dilate the brain vessels in your blood." so i am doing that now.

FUCK RUFUS GRISWOLD!

xoxo
j.

p.s. i'll be 25 in 12 days. old.

it figures...

2004-12-13T16:27:00.000-05:00

img src="http://images.quizilla.com/A/aLieOne/1102306946_JAMCpeel_png.jpg" border="0" alt="The Jesus And Mary Chain"
You Are... The Jesus And Mary Chain.

You are moody and unpredictable. You are the
underdog who refuses to sink to the bottom. You
have more talent than you ever really let
anyone know. It almost seems as if you try and
sabotage whatever good things may be going on
in your life, and you often feel like you may
be giving people a bit too much of yourself.
Being in the spotlight is something you find to
be rather uncomfortable though you secretly
yearn to be loved by everyone. You lean toward
things of a darker nature and are prone to self
destructive tendencies. You struggle with
happiness for the simple fact that you seem to
be in love with your misery. You are a realist.

what Creation Records band are you? (complete with text and images)
brought to you by Quizilla

pretty things, so what if i like pretty things...

2004-12-06T10:20:00.000-05:00

the sky is milk-white, but not cold enough for snow. and today feels clean, like all the bullshit of the past has been exorcised overnight. i will cling to this feeling with sticky cotton candy hands. still saddle sore from riding this weekend(riding HORSES, you dirty people!), but planning to work out and write a lot this week.

sometimes i get so caught up in going out and having fun that i forget to take care of myself, and that's a habit that needs to be kicked. i am young, but sometimes i treat my body like it is a machine--just go go go go, and that isn't good.

all right, enough introspection--here's what's been rocking my world of late:

1. record/clothing/book shopping when i should be x-mas shopping for other people.

2. receiving ridiculous text messages.

3. cinnamon hazelnut coffee. i'm not usually a fan of flavoured coffee, but this shit is the bomb.

4. spending long hours drawing diagrams of stories that i intend to write at later dates.

5. having weird, non-linear dreams about sailing on pirate ships, most likely brought on by reading Prince Caspian prior to sleep.

6. several magazines--Nylon, Other Voices, Found, and Ready Made. I want to make a vitrine, put my guinea pig in it, and take pictures of him.

7. all of my girls, everywhere. they really are quite remarkable, she remarked.

8. sleeping in my new flannel sheets.

9. festooning my apartment with multicolored x-mas tree lights, for that seasonal collegiate-stoner-pad ambiance.

10. hyphens.

xoxox
j

i'm a ghost.

2004-11-29T15:45:00.000-05:00

>stretches, yawns<

that was a good thanksgiving break. very restful and productive. i'm working on a series of linked short stories now. seeing the light at the end of the writer's block tunnel, instead of a tunnel at the end of the tunnel, touch wood. sending a whole bunch of finished pieces to literary journals. feeding my head with some obscure books i found in my parents' basement. looking forward to seeing my mentor read from his new novel this week. raking in a lot of freelance writing work. might actually get my car back this week, after 6 weeks of waiting. really very interested in komodo dragons, after catching a special about them on the Discovery Channel, and having dreams that they were frolicking in my folks' backyard. They're sort of like dinosaurs, and anything that fits that description is fine by me.

yup.

xoxox

j.

got the zuton fever in my head...

2004-11-24T10:53:00.000-05:00

i fully intended to spend last night watching David Lynch films and chasing the guinea pig. but Scott had a dilemma. he was questing for an unattainable item, to help him with his Bible studies. our efforts to obtain this item involved a welsh corgi, visiting a confusing place that looked a hell of a lot like an ewok village, and someone known to many as "crazy emily." it probably seemed more surreal to me than it actually was, but i had fun, and we were successful in the end.

i guess i just like it when life is absurd and uncertain...

xoxox

j

...just the bang and the clatter...

2004-11-23T10:51:00.000-05:00

the new U2 record comes out today.
yup.

i've been a U2 fan since i was 12 years old. i used to wear Zooropa shirts with dog collars in junior high school. And I have a crush on The Edge(just don't take off the hat in bed, baby), textbook knowledge of their entire discography(including "Alex Descends Into Hell For A Bottle of Milk"), and a willingness to overlook/ignore their recent dorkiness in light of my sworn allegiance to how badass they can be when they want to.

granted, my favorite "U2-era" was the early 90s, when Bono was dressing up like the devil, they were ordering 1,000 pizzas onstage, soundtracking Wim Wenders flicks, and Edge was composing riffs that sounded like alien insect farts. the last record, All Of Our Songs Have Really Long Titles Now, was sweet, in a "gee, my mom would like this" kind of way. she did like it, very much. and so did i. but it did not ROCK. then they descended into post-9/11 righteous posing. i fear they are well past rocking.

and yet, i'm eager to buy that there record. i've been let down by my old friends recently. when i ponied up for R.E.M.'s last disaster, my buddy Chris Iseli bitched about walking out of the shop with me carrying "that thing." i explained to him that my affection for post-Bill-Berry R.E.M. is sort of like the end of Old Yeller...i know that they are but a shell of their former selves, but "he's mah dog, ah'll do it..." buying the new R.E.M. conjured up bittersweet memories of what they meant to a depressed, epileptic teenager. but it kind of sucks. what will getting the new U2 be like? will it suck too? am i big dork for caring?

nah. it's only twelve bucks. and in spite of myself...i'll probably like it. i mean, come on. The Edge wears rhinestones on his butt.

xoxox
j

delicious cookie me...

2004-11-22T10:12:00.000-05:00

heya,

this was a good weekend. productive. i put in some serious work on a short story i've been wrestling with, saw animal collective and gang gang dance(rawk), hung out with my dearest Rob54 (aka Nwanda), watched way too much Buffy the Vampire Slayer(and cried when i reached the ending of season 7, such is the extent of my geekery), went horse riding, bought my festive holiday tofurkey, and ran 5 or 6 miles, i lost count.

and i just got a serious invitation to go mountain trekking in India and Tibet next summer! with packhorses! and stupas! and monks! i shit you not. if i can scrape together the cash, i am so there.

this passage from buffy's series finale hit me especially hard, in light of recent events:

Buffy: You know, in the midst of all this insanity, a couple of things are actually starting to make sense. And the guy thing… (sighs) I always feared there was something wrong with me. You know, because I couldn’t make it work. But maybe I’m not supposed to.

Angel: Because you’re the Slayer.

Buffy: Because… okay. I’m cookie dough. I’m not done baking. I’m not finished becoming whoever the hell it is I’m going to turn out to be. I make it through this and the next thing and the next thing and maybe one day I turn around and realize I’m ready. I’m cookies. And then, you know, if I want someone to eat m— or...uh, ENJOY warm, delicious cookie-me, then that’s fine. That’ll be then. When I’m done.

Angel: Any thoughts on who might enjoy… do I have to go with the cookie analogy?

Buffy: I’m not really thinking that far ahead. That’s kinda the point.

xoxox
j.

p.s. also, i have new armwarmers. >purr<

preach it, lou

2004-11-19T13:31:00.000-05:00

Why can't I be good, why can't I act like a man
Why can't I be good and do what other men can
Why can't I be good make something of this life
If I can't be a god let me be more than a wife

Why can't I be good?

I don't want to be weak, I want to be strong
Not a fat happy weakling with two useless arms
A mouth that keeps moving with nothing to say
An eternal baby who never moved away

Why can't I be good?

I'd like to look in the mirror with a feeling of pride
Instead of seeing a reflection of failure - a crime
I don't want to turn away to make sure I cannot see
I don't want to hold my ears when I think about me

Why can't I be good?

I want to be like the wind when it uproots a tree
Carries it across an ocean to plant in a valley
I want to be like the sun that makes it flourish and grow
I don't want to be what I am anymore

Why can't I be good?

I was thinking of some kind of whacked-out syncopation
That would help improve this song
Some knock-em-down rhythm that would help it move along
Some rhyme of pure perfection - a heat so hard and strong
If I can't get it right this time
Will a next time come along

Why can't I be good?

say hello say hello to the angels...

2004-11-19T11:52:00.000-05:00

last night jerad called me from a highway somewhere up in New Hampshire to tell me that he'd just been passed by an 18-wheeler featuring a large airbrushed picture of a moose. that is badass. well, that, along with the long conversation that we had about the inherent sloppy idiocy of human interaction.

i'm tired of trying to figure people out. i'm tired of people who need figuring out. if you even vaguely resemble a math problem in your thoughts, deeds, or speech--if you're substituting letters for numbers in any of your doings, if you're being anything less than(greater than) straightforward, honest, and above all, absurdly devoted to the cause of having a fucking amazing time on this fascinating planet, i'm sorry, i just can't handle you right now!

in other news, i went and saw an art installation featuring nothing but garden gnomes. and jerad and i agreed that it would be absolutely awesome if the other side of the moose-truck had something completely incongruous airbrushed on it, like a spaceship or a psychedelic toadstool.

yup.
j.

...i'm a pitbull in time...

2004-11-18T13:14:00.000-05:00

you know, sometimes i really annoy myself. or rather, this one tendency of mine really annoys me. i have this way of beating dead horses. sometimes i even walk far, far away to get the whip to beat the dead horse, then walk the whole way back to the carcass and continue to flog it. this is a very gross analogy, but it's apt.

maybe my standards are too high when it comes to how people whom i've mistreated should treat me. i think this, but then i think, have i really mistreated anyone? that's not how i roll, and while i'm definitely only human, i don't think i have. still, i keep fucking up, or feeling like i've done something wrong. classic jess fall on your sword shit.

there is a relationship in my life that i would like to dip in a bucket of extra-strength bleach, hang on the washline, fold neatly, and keep in a drawer for special occasions. we have become broken records. our conversations are reiterations of ideas already understood by both parties, instead of friendly exchanges about gerbils and locomotives. am i guilty? maybe a little, and i'm sorry about it.

can i fix it? probably no.

j.

p.s. also, my folks are moving to missouri. this is hard to get my head around.

p.s.s. for some reason i am identifying heavily with the horrible scene in the horrible movie Van Helsing in which Frankenstein ludicrously, desperately bellows "I WANT TO LIIIIIVE!" this is frightening.

no squealing, remember, cause it's all in your head...

2004-11-11T13:24:00.000-05:00

wild is the wind that strips away our sins
yours is the night, but you don't know where to begin

but i heard you say
you've got a feeling that it's just around the bend
i heard you say
sometimes you fall into the arms of no one at all
i mean to say
that that's all right
i did what i could!

oh, sometimes i run
yeah, sometimes i fall
but if it's L-O-V-E, i'll see you later
if it's L-O-V-E, i'll see you later

yours is the fire that gets in my head
mine is desire, so let it burn down your bed
'cause i heard about those stories, yeah i guess everyone has
i heard them say sometimes you fall
just on your own with no one at all
and i mean to say that that's all right
i did what I could!

oh, sometimes I run
yeah, sometimes I fall, too
but if it's L-O-V-E
i'll see you later
L-O-V-E, i'll see you later i'll see you later i'll see you sometime, yeah

xoxox
j

here fishy fishy fishy...

2004-11-11T10:48:00.000-05:00

today i met a 30 year old fish. one of those japanese koi things. swimming fat and happy in the christ church college fountain. the girl i was with told me that the fish was one of a school given to the college by a diplomat from tokyo. it is the only survivor, after all these years.

sometimes a heron from the Thames comes and perches on the ramparts of the Tom Gate. then, apparently, all the bowler-hatted porters come rushing out of their little lodge, kicking and screaming, just to protect that fat old fish.

i love this.

xoxo
j.

every day is like sundays...

2004-11-11T10:44:00.000-05:00

good day today--went to the barbican with drea and melissa. we looked at a graphic design exhibit that included some Peter Saville & John Sewell stuff, then wandered along the west bank at twilight, tipsy and giggling, prior to dinner(at special vegan restaurant, DAVE) and more drinks in soho.

i love this city, from its pigeons with sheared-off stub toes, to its jacket potatoes with baked beans and mushy peas, to its rude boys and gutter dirt and confusing streets. it's strange how a few years can grant so much perspective, and a few days away from home can do just the same.

i'll be back soon and better than ever. five by five and four on the floor, kids.

you get my best,
j.

catching up after being in england...

2004-11-11T10:37:00.000-05:00

a series of posts from my time in england follows. they were on my myspace blog, but i'm making the transfers for people who don't myspace.

i am in london, and very happy to be, even though all hell is breaking loose. SKY news and the BBC are just as rabid about coverage as CNN and C-SPAN, so i stayed up well into the night with a sick feeling in my gut. doubtless all of you feel much the same.

i could go on for ages about my thoughts...about how sick and sad this has all become...but i'd just be preaching to the converted.

that said, it's absolutely wonderful to be so far away from baltimore. england has always laid claim to a large, bloody chunk of my heart, and i need that chunk back now more than ever, it seems...vague, i know, but sometimes it's so nice and necessary to just walk away. or fly away, in my case.

drinking ribena and blinking at the cloudy sky. fucking brilliant, despite democratic armageddon.

xoxx
j.

i'm still enjoying this...that's why i made a mess...

2004-11-01T15:15:00.000-05:00

I've waited too long to have you
Hide in the back of me
I've cheated so long I wonder
How you keep track of me

You could never be strong
You can only be free
And I never asked for the truth
But you owe that to me

I've entered the game of pricks
With knives in the back of me
Can't call you or on you no more
When they're attacking me

I'll climb up on the house
Weep to water the trees
And when you come calling me down
I'll put on my disease

You could never be strong
You can only be free
And I never asked for the truth
But you owe that to me
And I never asked for the truth
But you owe that to me
And I never asked for the truth
But you owe that to me

yup.

xoxox
j.money

...i was framed-in, locked out, numb, not up to speed...

2004-10-29T10:21:00.000-05:00

i still haven't heard back from the insurance people. this is troubling. more troubling, however, is the fact that i need--NEED--an old school filmstrip projector. and when i say old school, i mean elementary school stylee.

i've been reading this book i got at atomic, about filmstrips from the 1960s and their cultural/artistic significance, and let me tell you, i'm obsessed. there's something oddly soothing about that muffled "beep" between frames. and the whirr of the fan inside the projector is the prettiest white noise in the world. or, it is in my memory, at least. i must needs get an actual projector to know for certain.

you know, all across the country--across the WORLD--there are probably hidden drawers packed full of forgotten filmstrips, waiting for the indiana jones of filmstrips(that's me!) to liberate them from their dusty decades-long sleep.

forget this "writing" crap. filmstrips ahoy!

xoxox

j.

p.s. i completely love the fact that people in england say "whilst."

...what's eating you alive might help you to survive...

2004-10-28T12:44:00.000-05:00

did anyone else watch mr. wizard as a kid? remember the episode about inertia, in which good ol' wiz kept spinning things around in circles and explaining about how objects in motion tend to stay in motion.

i do. and all this week, it's seemed like i'm barreling out of control. this summer was so lovely...good friends, fun rock shows, kisses, presents, visits, stress-free evenings on the veranda.

this fall, so far, i'm fried. waiting to hear from an insurance adjuster who promised to call me back yesterday. trying to rest my poor tired head. and pack for london. and finish some freelance shit.

arghghghgh.

j.

...ha ha...yeah...

2004-10-27T12:48:00.000-05:00

Which 1990's Subculture Do You Belong To?
[Another Quiz by Kris@ couplandesque.net]

...distance is seductive and i cannot resist...

2004-10-25T15:31:00.000-05:00

What a weekend...

Thursday: Frijoles, Ted Leo Rx and Satiate at Ottobar...saw Chuck, Tiffany, Mike Miller, Katie, Scott, Fluffy Dan, Dave, Jason Urick, Shakes Davies, Mandy, Julia, Dean, Benn, Rachel, and a shitload of other fabulous people. Much rock was consumed.

Friday-Saturday: Headed down to Richmond to watch my girl Paca LaPuerta become Mrs. Todd Jones. It was a surreal experience...great to hang out with Beth and Cath, great to get me away from Baltimore for a few days. And a beautiful, amazing wedding. Well done, kids.

Sunday: The Butchers, Jimmy and the Teasers, and the almighty Twin Sixxxxxxxx at the Talking Head. It was a really great show with a lot of great people.

Monday: Collapsing from overwork, overstress, and unfinished British travel plans. Upset at the way I'm being treated by certain parties. Paranoid that my insurance claim isn't going to work out. Worried that I won't be able to get my freelance shit done in time.

xoxoxo
j.

...she said the cards are still stacked against her...

2004-10-21T10:50:00.000-05:00

i need the rock...

and when i say that, i do not mean the beefy WWE wrestler/Scorpion King.

things have been an absolute shambles lately...getting slammed at both of my jobs, getting slammed by my auto insurance company, and all sorts of other "real life" things that are much less amusing/engaging than what i usually occupy my mind with. sucks to your assmar!

i probably won't get out of work until late today. but there's good rock happening tonight (Ted Leo/Rx), and i'll be spending the weekend in Richmond, wearing a bizarre blue gown and watching one of my best friends on the planet get married to a fellow who once reenacted the entire Star Wars trilogy with salt and pepper shakers.

Ah, young love.

xoxox
j.

...and if you complain once more...

2004-10-21T09:15:00.000-05:00

Which Rock Chick Are You?

...it figures...

2004-10-20T10:20:00.000-05:00

Which British Band Are You?

...safe as milk...

2004-10-20T09:38:00.000-05:00

i saw the best abandoned shopping cart yesterday. down in hampden, at the intersection of Ash and 36th. i was down there to cover an art show at Spur Propaganda Gallery. far from any retail establishment, the shopping cart stood forlorn and confused among puddles and the paper remnants of long-gone summertime snowballs.

maybe i'm weird--okay, i know i'm weird--but i find beauty in this, despite the fact that i can never decide whether i'd like to call them "supermarket trolleys" or "shopping carts."

oh, bugger it.

it's wednesday. nothing too exciting happening today. wishing i was curled up in a warm bed listening to sigur ros with someone cuddly, fortified with toast and tea against the night.

xoxooooo

j-killah

...crashing through my world in my world...

2004-10-19T15:26:00.000-05:00

i feel sort of blah today. of course, this is a trend, but today i am blaming it on the rain, milli vanilli style. one of those guys died not long ago. i saw it on behind the music, so i know it must be so.

yesterday, i stopped at the grocery store to buy some mushrooms. on my way in, i noticed a large, irregularly shaped splat of tomato paste on the pavement directly in front of the entrance. everyone tiptoed around it to avoid getting tomato paste on their shoes, and stared at it wide-eyed, like it was some sort of vegetarian roadkill. i resisted an overwhelming impulse to outline the mess with white chalk and set up barricades.

of course, this would have been less amusing if it was applesauce, or something less innard-like.

xoxxx

j.

no more beating my brains...with the liquor and drugs...

2004-10-19T08:50:00.000-05:00

Which Trainspotting Character Are You?

a wall once blocked my view, and i couldn't move it...got bruises to prove it...

2004-10-18T12:52:00.000-05:00

my mum fucking rules. she lent me her car, for careful usage. of course, she also filled it with strange Catholic icons and objects of religious protection, but i can't complain. after all, i am the girl who has two symbols of spiritual protection carved into her skin.

i can go to the gym! i can go to the grocery store! i can finish my city paper assignments!

this is all rather marvelous. but not as marvelous as hanging out at the ottobar with rob 54 last night. it has been too, too long since i had a nice long sit-down with that kid, and i consider him a kindred spirit of sorts, so it's always very soothing and life-affirming when i do. it's all in how you choose to look at things--talking with him never fails to remind me of that. it's funny how a week away from situations can completely alter perceptions.

that said, i continue my voluntary avoidance of said situations, preferring instead to waste vast amounts of time playing X-Men Legends and Katamari Damashii. fall is here, and i must fortify myself against the cold air by slapping large bandages onto my ridiculous heart.

and when you write...about the boys...

xoxox
j.

Current Music: Half Smiles of the Decomposed, Guided By Voices; Antics, Interpol; Black Love, Afghan Whigs,

in history i'll treat you right...i'm honest that way...

2004-10-14T13:27:00.000-05:00

plarrrrgh.

1. My car is still fuxxored. It's really strange to stay home every single night of the week. I'm not accustomed to it. So much of my fun involves seeing other people, and my writing has sucked large monkey turds, so it's hard to stay cooped up indoors.

2. My dad lost his job last week. This leaves me feeling, well, kind of impotent. I wish I could help, but there's nothing I can really do.

3. The uncertainty of caring for people genuinely troubles me. You never know what you're going to get, or how things are going to turn out. Some people get off on that, I suppose, but I don't. And though I know I did exactly what I needed to do in certain situations, and there are "no flies on me," as my mother is fond of saying, it still hurts, i still don't know how to feel. i'd probably feel better if it weren't for my car.

4. shittypaper article due tomorrow morning. blah.

xoxox
j.

he puts the weights into my little heart and he gets in my room and he takes them apart

2004-10-11T13:17:00.000-05:00

LOVE'S NOT THE WAY TO TREAT A FRIEND

Love's not the way to treat a friend.
I wouldn't wish that on you. I don't
want to see your eyes forgotten on a rainy day,
lost in the endless purse
of those who can remember nothing.

Love's not the way to treat a friend.
I don't want to see you end up that way
with your body being poured like wounded
marble into the architecture of those who make
bridges out of crippled birds.

Love's not the way to treat a friend.
There are so many better things for you
than to see your feelings sold
as magic lanterns to somebody whose body
casts no light.

Richard Brautigan.

xoxxo
j.

...it took a lifespan with no cellmate, the long way back...

2004-10-08T14:22:00.000-05:00

you know, i almost hate to say it, but i think i'm growing up.

last time this kind of emotional stuff happened to me, it took me nearly 2 years to deal with all the fallout. this time, only 4 days pass, and i'm feeling like an ass...feeling like i just want to make things right, once and for all and for good. hopefully i can do that, and soon...i plan to try tonight. it will be awkward, but i've done worse. it will feel odd, but i've definitely been through weirder.

less than a month until i go back to England...that seems really strange to me in light of recent events and their resemblance to shit that happened to me when i lived over there. it'll be interesting to see how i take it all in.

my knees ache for no apparent reason. i held off on lifting anything with them yesterday at the gym, and there's no humidity, but JESUS do they hurt. ah well. it could be worse. i could have catarrh or sciatica or one of the other diseases that Jim and I like to talk about.

also, i just found out that kachica will have to go in for radiation treatment. i wish there was something i could do, other than just be here for her.

xoxox
j

it's time i had some time alone...

2004-10-07T14:19:00.000-05:00

apparently my aura is gray.

i went into a little psychic shop on York Road yesterday, on a whim, before buying a burrito for dinner. inside, i found lots of old gypsy ladies and plastic children's toys. i hardly ever do stuff like this, but the woman who read my tarot was the same one (coincidentally) who read it for me 4 years ago at a street fair. despite believing in chaos theory, i am a skeptic by nature. the reading seemed pretty accurate, in that open-ended, open-to-interpretation sort of way. i like the pictures on the cards more than anything else.

and apparently my aura is jagged and gray. if only the solution to fixing this was as simple as, oh, i don't know, "eat more soup," or "bundle up warmly!"
hahahahhahahhahaaaa. i need a break from the scene. i need a break from this town. i need a swift and eager return to the wide open spaces and green expanses, less cramped rock clubs and black ceilings and empty bourbon glasses.

j.

dude, you took too much, you took much too much...

2004-10-06T16:06:00.000-05:00

baltimore, i'm talking to you.

i'm addressing you. for 7 years you've given me nothing but love. a rescue boat from pennsylvanian mediocrity. a lifeline to the gods of rock, friends, and good times. in return i have given you honesty, naivete, and a heart that wasn't jaded by anything or anyone in the whole world. i've taken you to the movies. i've watched you sleep. i've befriended your angelheaded hipsters and sought nothing but truth.

and last night you shit on my face!

bad baltimore! no biscuit!

j.

...wrong until you make it right...

2004-10-05T14:59:00.000-05:00

I'm not confused, really, though I say I am--I'm just floating, doing a wonderful job of not thinking about anything at all. Almost as though something in me has broken, but not in a detrimental way--I mean, broken in the sense of clogged-up twigs breaking loose and finally floating downstream, never to be seen again.

I talked to Ben for a long time last night, after the Explosions in the Sky show. Good to push some of that shit over the waterfall, finally. Tim pointed out the oddly prophetic nature of me singing "Bizarre Love Triangle" with Chuck the other night. It's all very soapy. And I am bisected in a way, acting exactly as I want to and should with one half of the situation, relaxed and chilled out and not worried at all...and spazzing and obsessing and worrying about the other half. Interesting. Possibly the kick in the gut that I need.

xoxoxxoxo >gut kick<

j.money

...coming out of my cage and i've been doing just fine...

2004-10-04T13:50:00.000-05:00

http://www.lyricstop.com/m/mrbrightside-killers.html

smile like you mean it, j.

Current Music: Hot Fuss, The Killers; Mag Earwhig!, Guided By Voices; Brotherhood, New Order; Antics, Interpol.

i pretend like no one else to try to control myself

2004-10-01T13:40:00.000-05:00

I made a telephone call last night. Maybe it was silly. I don't know. It gave me stuff to think about. Maybe that's silly. I don't know. Overall, the feeling that I got was a good one, but it's genuinely hard to say where things stand, so I temper the happy with confusion and concern.

Mum's coming to visit tonight, that should be fun, I don't know, I feel sort of off-kilter today, like I don't want to deal with anything or anyone. This makes work rather difficult. I had a nice break midday when Jane came to have lunch with me, I haven't seen her in a long time, and I haven't been to the Persian place since Nicolina left for NYC. So that was good. Janelyn seems to be doing well at her internship and what all, and she had pretty gold eyeshadow on.

Perhaps I'm just tired. That feels like it might be a possibility...I fell asleep listening to Interpol on the futon, and when I woke up at 3 to move back to bed, I couldn't really get back to sleep, I was thinking so hard about the information gleaned from the aforementioned phone call, dissecting and analyzing and wondering endlessly and futilely if certain people slept alone last night...

Anyway, "hanging out" is supposed to occur next week. Yup.

xoxx
j.

every time i see you falling, i get down on my knees and pray...

2004-09-29T14:49:00.000-05:00

I have "Bizarre Love Triangle" by New Order stuck in my head. This is the least of my worries, however.

1. A copy of Ghost In The Shell II just arrived FedEx stylee, to be reviewed by Friday.
2. I spent 3 hours at the Visionary this morning, for their new show Holy H2O, which I am to review by tomorrow morning.
3. I need to finish a big article on a trek through the Indo-Tibetan region of Ladakh for the Goucher Gazette.

Sometimes being a professional writer blows.

I played video games with K7HD last night--Donkey Konga, X-Men Legends, and something called Guilty Gear II that was really disturbingly Japanese in the most delightful way. I laughed so hard, I thought coke would come out of my nose. The soda kind of coke.

Tonight is girls' night at Frijoles. Much needed. I'm trying hard to keep my mind off of certain things/people. It's not quite working. Because I'm insane. Or, perhaps, just because I'm trying. I've never been good at this stuff.

>sigh<

poo.

j.

she said...goodbye...bad boy...killjoy...get your ass over here, boy...

2004-09-27T14:37:00.000-05:00

...volume four, in which jess discovers that yes, indeed, caring is creepy.

when i'm like this, i should be shot with a nail gun. really.

that aside, i have been enjoying the hell out of X-Men Legends. it's like a fat slab of childhood joy. X-Men + button-mashing role playing games. Alls I need is my big brother Mike, a box full of glazed donuts from the A&P, and that smelly green couch from our parents' basement, and the regression would be complete.

I helped tranquillize a horse on Saturday. That was fun, too. Lorie was cleaning sheaths(cue UNPLEASANT childhood memories) down at the barn, and Charlie(a Welsh/thoroughbred cross) was having none of it. I don't blame him. Either way, we gave him some tranqs, and next thing you know, he was wobbling around like a drunk, making funny snuffling noises. I sat with him for a while, out of sympathy for the stoned.

All of this before one hour of drunken interactions made me question everything.

Caring. Creepy. Yes.

j.

i think i'll go home and mull this over before i cram it down my throat...

2004-09-23T10:13:00.000-05:00

today is the best of baltimore party! it is also Benn Ray's birthday. happy birthday Benn Ray!

i think i might be done with my CP copy for this week. i think. i hope. working with 2 editors is a bit hard.

i'm going to get my hair cut over lunch. wow, this is a really exciting entry! wooo! fascinating!

j.

so what if you catch me, where would we land?

2004-09-22T10:21:00.000-05:00

bliss. yes.

bliss in seeing a fallen leaf strung onto a spiderweb, spinning and flipping in midair. bliss in knowing that sometimes big emotions just need space and time. bliss in being able to let go at long last, after months of trying to, and weeks of knowing that trying doesn't work.

Just got the nod for a piece on the new AVAM exhibit, niiice. Spent most of the last check at Anthropologie. I am incorrigible and a slave to consumerism. No, really. Really I am.

j.

i thrive best hermit style, with a beard and a pipe and a parrot on each side (but now i can't do this without you)

2004-09-21T12:46:00.000-05:00

confusion reigns.

finished my manga piece, working on this week's art review, working through many things in my mind, at a loss as to whether or not my actions are out of character, wondering if my silence really does speak volumes, or if it's just fridge buzz.

i admit to being a bit lost. laying everything out on the kitchen table and moving things around. searching for the right configuration. proceed with caution. walk unafraid. i want to do these things. i want to make it right. but it's not really up to me in the end.

shut my eyes, bite my tongue, toss it in the water.
shut my eyes, shut my teeth, send it out to sea.

xoxox
j.

into you like a train...

2004-09-20T14:01:00.000-05:00

this morning i made a pancake! yeah! it had flaxseeds and soymilk in it! it was a hippie pancake dream!

other than that, Hampdenfest was awesome. i got rather merry on resurrection and the shots of whiskey that jesse poured for me at frijoles. i ate indian food with yuri. i saw the twin six, chester stacey, two if by sea, avec(duet with just brooks and shawna), fascist fascist, vestal vermin, and some of the monitor bands. i ended up having veggie dogs and a bible study at dave candy crazy's house, and looking rather confused at the ottobar whilst watching Dead Meadow and Oneida. good times.

today, i have to finish my manga article, and start an article about the new exhibit at Goya Girl. i'm also going to judge the City Paper poetry contest, apparently. anything for a buck. or $100, as it were. rawk...

xxxxx
j.

Skippy McNichols Gets Served

2004-09-17T13:50:00.000-05:00

I write a semi-weekly column for the Mobtown Shank, titled "Skippy McNichols: Zombie Hunter." In this week's Shank, Skippy done got served.

XXIII. THE ZOMBIE RESPONSE===============

A FAIR AND BALANCED RESPONSE TO SKIPPY MCNICHOLSby BRAGGLFDDLWZZ BLEWADAWALTAKKGGGTTT, ZOMBIE(as told to Citizen Rahne Alexander, Ghostwriter)

(Shank readers might be familiar with the antics of self-styled zombie hunter Skippy McNichols. I met Bragglfddlwzz at the recent Cure concert where McNichols had randomly and sloppily plied his trade, and we struck up a discussion about the ways that zombies are treated in the press -- even by such a level-headed institution such as the Mobtown Shank, zombies are frequently treated with ridicule and violence, and are rarely given equal opportunity to voice their concerns. After thirteen hours of interviews which have been meticulously transcribed by my linguist intern from Hopkins, we have culled the basic concerns of the larger zombie community about the actions of persons such as McNichols, and present them for your consideration. - CRA)

Arrrraerrgggglll asssttvvviddlllikkktts Skippy McNichols zzzvvillaggggggghhhhhlll, ggghghhhhhhttt aazzzzitttitititiggghhhll wweeeeewrweggglttazzzzt!!!

Wwwetaltayivln Agtginvaee, Astoindagf Fskkkktytkkly, Rick James, Robert Smith, John Ashcroft, Skippy's momma, asasg Eevvvvvfffftt Chklchklchk eiiweargghll agininitttlggttkkkkts. Wwttzzzakkl ggaaginghihntzztpppfttt sssarfttilinitl fassssttttr!

GGHISNGIINGG!! GIJIHGLINGINSG KLLTIGKSKTINZZZ!!! CRAPPY PEANUT BUTTER!!!! EIGHT IS ENOUGH!!!!!!!!

Ggghghhhhhhttt chklchklcheeeeewrweggglttazk eiiweargghll agininitttlggttkkkkts. Wwttwttzzzakzzzakkl ggaaginghihntzztpppfttt sssawttzzzakfttilinitl fassssttttr, ffzzttt. Can't we all just get along? -Bragglfddlwzz Blewadawaltakkgggtt, Canton Zombie

I LOVE THIS.

xoxox
j.

the girl might live.

2004-09-16T09:38:00.000-05:00

last night was pretty seriously awesome. i had dinner at frijoles with alyson, katie smallwood, sherry, and these new kids carrie and paul. dirty mike showed up, along with mandy, and many margaritas were consumed. good times.

still, feeling slightly off today. maybe it's that i've had a whole bunch of work land on my desk over the past 3 days. maybe it's that i'm so stridently praying AGAINST RAIN for Hampdenfest this weekend. Maybe it's all the margaritas.

either way, ottobar tonight...DJ night...woo! and today is all about fashion. i ordered a new skirt from urban outfitters, bought a new hair colour, drank 2 liters of evian, and intend to have a nice cozy face mask after the gym.

such a girl.

j.

is she weird is she white is she promised to the night (and her head has no room!)

2004-09-15T08:44:00.000-05:00

What's on my mind? A plethora of things.

1. Putting in extra-strong anti-rain prayers so that Hampdenfest can happen.
2. Wondering whether or not I should find someone to sublet the Jesscave so that I can accept Madison's generous housesitting offer, pay off my credit card debt, get my car fixed, etc.
3. Two City Paper assignments--a film sidebar about Ghost In The Shell II, and the manga article. Kawaii!
4. Making an appointment with the specialist to have all 4 wisdom teeth pulled.
5. Happy to see the Maud Casey piece and my last art review in print.
6. Getting going on a new short story, which includes the never-before-penned phrase: "so that no one would glimpse the potato wedged underneath her wallet." As always, please trust me...
7. The 10-odd things I'm supposed to get done at work before the uber-boss comes back.
8. A nagging feeling that I should be sending out more manuscripts.
9. Drama-drama. I have all the books, but are they doing me any good? And will Galileo ever recant? And will anyone other than Cafferine and Paca understand this list item?
10. Something I read in a reference book last night, about how women used to paint their faces with poisonous cinnabar. It would literally rot their cheeks off. I love it, love it, love it.
11. The writing of Ali Smith. Love her, love her, love her.
12. Stealing an old National Geographic out of the gym, for creepy visionary drawings of scenes from the Egyptian Book of the Dead. Immoral, or just plain geeky?

Whee!

xoxox
j.

Current Music: Bossanova, The Pixies; ( ), Sigur Ros; Medulla, Bjork.

boys...don't...cry...

2004-09-13T13:12:00.000-05:00

hello hello.

i had a great weekend. fascist fascist, cicaeda, fuses(ROCK!) and the oranges band on friday, guided by voices on saturday(one of the best rock shows i've ever seen, and made even more epic by a lethal combination of Wild Turkey and Schlitz), and Sick Sick Birds + Katie S.'s birthday bash at Dirty Dirty last night. As I told Kat last night: "only one rock band and two drinks--this is a slow night for me!"

that said, i'm reining myself in this evening. no going out. not even checking the show listings on pheer.com. i don't have an art column this week, so i should be able to get some real writing done, if all goes well. things are looking up again...my parents seem to be dealing with their recent crises, which is a load off my mind.

Reading the book Maud Casey recommended, Hotel World. It's by some young Scotch wunderkind, and it's damned good...Mark Richardesque, almost. Hopefully this will be the literary kick in the pants that I have long craved.

xoxox
j.

Current Music: All GBV, all the time.

i'm going to crawl till you crawl...crawl like them all...

2004-09-08T12:05:00.000-05:00

If i could have the three proverbial wishes, they would be this:

1. A publishing contract.
2. The financial freedom to devote myself fully to creating pretty lies. (fiction.)
3. That I could play bass like the girl in Melt Banana. Which will never happen. But I can dream.

Finished the Maud Casey thing. Starting in on the School 33 piece. Barreling toward the light at the end of the tunnel, though things have gotten pretty weird here over the past few days.

I'm teething! At the age of 24! My wisdom teeth are finally coming in, and boy howdy, does this hurt. I'm thinking about ordering one of these:
http://www.shipoffools.com/Gadgets/Kitschmas02/08.html

I could dip it in bourbon and whatnot.

xxx
j.

Current Music: Still, Joy Division; Cell-Scape, Melt Banana.

you cry out in your sleep...

2004-09-07T14:09:00.000-05:00

"arrrgh!" this is the cry of the freelance writer in the wilderness! 1,200 word Maud Casey piece due tomorrow. She is amazing--among young female writers I've known, I've always admired Darcey Steinke for rocking the "writer as rock star" angle, but Maud is much, much more down-to-earth, accessible, and real. We spent a couple hours talking about our novels-in-progress, rifling through all the material she's using to create her new one, and discussing what to do when your characters go on vacation and show no signs of coming home.

"Cook them a big dinner, they'll all come back," she says. I haven't felt this inspired in months. All I want to do is write fiction now, and instead I have to find a way to turn a very personal conversation into an article for mass consumption. We had a good laugh over this. She gave me autographed copies of her books; I sent her a copy of A Cabinet of Medical Curiosities.

I'm also supposed to do an art review on the installation space at School 33 this week...that's due Thursday. Good shit, though. So that's something. And then all I have left is the manga piece, and I can stop whinging endlessly about work and get back to normal life. Right now, i'm tired, bored, hungry, and really very irritated that it's only Tuesday. Such a baby...lame.

Went out for dinner with Catherine Bode after interviewing Maud Casey...we hit frijoles, then went down to Fell's to spend way too much cash at the Soundgarden. Good times.

Jules said I cried in my sleep the other night. Weird. I don't remember what I was dreaming about. Then again, I don't really need to.

xoxox

j

Current Music: Movement, New Order; Medulla, Bjork; Boys Don't Cry, The Cure; In On The Kill Taker, Fugazi.

i want you to burn me till i feel it...

2004-09-06T14:06:00.000-05:00

hello! and welcome to another week of freelancing madness! we're kicking things off with an interview...recently transplanted novelist Maud Casey, at her apartment, at 4 p.m. today. The best part? I haven't read any of her work! And the 1,200 word piece is due on Wednesday!

Tomorrow will find me at School 33, banging together this week's art review. Also due Wednesday. I need the $, so I shouldn't complain. But I'll be amazed if everything comes together. I'll buy myself a beer. If I can make it through these two assignments, I should be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Not too much else to report...I saw Battersea, The Jaded Set, and Two If By Sea on Saturday at the Ottobar...the rock was brought by all concerned, despite an alarming nautical theme in terms of band names.

xoxoxo
j.

carry my joy on the left, carry my pain on the right...

2004-09-03T13:51:00.000-05:00

last night at One World, a 38 year old singer-songwriter(gag me with a spoon) who was disturbingly into Kabbalah, Kundalini, Carl Jung, heroin, speed, and Wilco hit on me while I was trying to eat my steamed veggies and tofu. He also claimed to know the secret of the Masons, and stared at me for a long time after telling me this, as though he expected me to say, "REALLY? WHAT IS IT? TELL ME TELL ME!" Needless to say, I was utterly charmed, and showed him so with my patented "if you try to touch me, i'll rip your fucking face off" expression. If only he will have babies with me...if only...!!!

after that, i went to ottobar, where i procrastinated working on this week's art review, caught up with Alyson and Kat and Katie S., and saw Joe Zang.

Jules is coming to hang out tonight. Maybe we can get Indian food or something. Yeah.

xoxox
j.

one less appendage makes me more efficient and aerodynamic

2004-09-01T09:54:00.000-05:00

last night i took myself out to play. i juuuust missed the Anti-Bush happy hour(and Benn and Rachel) at frijoles, but Chuck and Mandy and some other folks were there. and the pomegranate margaritas were sweeter than they've been. and there were tacos. i'm a sucker for tacos.

after that, i went to the ottobar to see avec. they're one of my favorite local live bands, and it felt good to be sucked into the music, chewed up and spat out by the noise and the words and the flailing hair.

this summer's crisis is the best one yet! my bargain basement's all sold out, but while stocks last I'll keep myself back for you!

no, i make no sense.

xoxx
j.

Current Music: Medulla, Bjork; Bong, The New Fast Automatic Daffodils.

i breathe in, unchain myself, tonight's the night...

2004-08-31T09:04:00.000-05:00

right. well. hello everyone, and welcome to another episode of masterpiece theatre. in this week's edition, Jess scrambles to finish a plethora(yes, plethora!) of freelance assignments, while dealing with lightheadedness, frustration, an Indian dance teacher who keeps harassing her via telephone, and a city full of men who seem determined to misunderstand her emotions, thoughts, and intentions at every turn!!!

TRAPPED IN A WORLD SHE NEVER MADE!!!!

Thrill as Jess steers her bashed-in Neon to the Patterson theatre to cover another art show!
Swoon as Jess tries to keep her apartment tidy!!
Delight in her valiant struggle to find a subject for a 1,200 word books piece, due this weekend!!
Watch in horror as every attempt at eating ends in nausea!!!

Now, if only there were zombies involved. That, I could handle. The rest of this shit...forget it.

xoxox
j.

every day is like sundays

2004-08-28T11:40:00.000-05:00

i think i might be coming down with something. i slept 12 hours last night and still feel sort of off my beam. this is not helped by the fact that today is going to be really busy for a Saturday. I need to go riding, I want to go to the gym, Mary Allen is having a party tonight, and I want to squeeze in some quality Nicole time before she heads up to NYC.

Plus, there's that big plate of freelancing I have yet to put a dent in. I'm always very busy, but 50% of the busy-ness is in the form of tasks I can procrastinate on or avoid or schedule in wherever I see fit. This leaves me with a surprising amount of free time to waste.

Tonight should be fun, though. I must succumb to the fun. That sounds dirty. I believe I shall go to the barn and gym, get dirty, and see if that makes me feel any better. Barring that, there's always Robitussin...

xxxx

j.money

i wonder what my body would sound like slamming against those rocks

2004-08-27T15:42:00.000-05:00

whatever.

yup. whatever.

xxxx
j.

where will it end? where will it end?

2004-08-26T14:10:00.000-05:00

arrrgh.

The past few days have been very arrrgh-inducing. I really need to blow off some steam. the manga interview went wonderfully well, but I was almost late arriving at the restaurant, thanks to some crazy traffic on Falls Road. I'd gone down there to do some shopping at Whole Foods, and I ended up stuck on Falls Road for 2 hours. When I arrived at the store, they were all out of tofu & four grain burgers, which was 50% of the reason why I'd gone in the first place.

fuckers.

Tonight I am going to eat delicious vegan food and see Garden State with my dearest Nicolina, and possibly Catherine Bode, if she's back in town. Then, who knows. This week is kicking my ass. It should be kissing my ass. YOU ALL SHOULD. Bwahahahahhahahaaaaaaaaa.

Right.

xoxox
j.

your wheels are turning but you're upside down...

2004-08-25T15:12:00.000-05:00

wrecked.

noun.

currently synonymous with hangover, exhaustion, stress, and dehydration. freelancing is kicking my ass. things have been busy here at the office, too.

but today is payday, and i need to shop for the following items:

food
food and hay for Cyd
a haircut (?)
clothing
some nice bath stuff so i can be all girly and lame.

Anthropologie, Whole Foods, and Petsmart, watch out.

I'm meeting a manga translator for a sushi dinner interview this evening. Hopefully I'll get some good material for that article. And I'm dead glad that I didn't have an art assignment this week. I might have had to maim someone.

aight, i'm off to run errands and sheeeat.
j.

the son of "merely to maintain my own freelancing sanity"

2004-08-24T14:32:00.000-05:00

Best of Baltimore blurbs: due 9/1.

best cocktail and best jukebox are done.

Possible review about MICA art show: due 9/8.

1,200 word A&E opener on Baltimore's young novelist scene, or the Baltimore mystery writer scene: due 9/8.

must get contact information for Laura Lippman, David Spencer, and Sujata Massey.

825 word article on manga: due 9/22ish.

meeting b-more based manga translator for sushi dinner/interview tomorrow evening.

EEP.

i was tired again, i tried again...and now my heart is full...

2004-08-24T11:08:00.000-05:00

Welcome back, sanity. How I have missed you...

A couple weeks ago, Catherine Bode diffused an element of my personality into a character: Patty Paranoid. It's the part of me that overanalyzes, self-sabotages, and otherwise destroys everything good that comes my way. Last night I killed Patty.

How 12-step does that sound? Seriously, though--I talked to some friends(including K7 and Catherine) who really helped me realize that shock-of-shocks, I'm not ready for a serious relationship, either. I can't handle one, I don't want one, I don't have time for one...what I want, really and truly, is what I seem to have--a casual, unstressful happy ongoing emotional/physical connection with someone who is rather badass. I don't want to have to keep tabs on someone all the time. I don't want them keeping tabs on me. I don't want a relationship that feels like a chore. I don't want to feel bad, or make someone else feel bad as a result of time spent/not spent. I want to focus on my writing, my work, and my friends.

Now back to your regularly scheduled blog.

Last night was Morrissey Monday. I worked on a few blurbs for the City Paper BoB issue, hung out with Katie Smallwood, and ended up singing "Now My Heart Is Full" to my dearest Chuck If By Sea, who was awesome enough to request "Please, Please, Please Let Me Get What I Want" for me. That is my all-time favorite Morrissey song. Mod Dave did not play it. Chuck and I were sad about this, and smoked moodily while adjusting our fabulous hair. We are such Morrisseys. I have some good friends. Pumpkins all.

Adam Potato just now, via IM: "i find it somewhat criminal that a mind and heart such as yours should be occupied with self torture so much."

See, pumpkins.

xoxoxxo

j.

merely to maintain my own freelancing sanity.

2004-08-17T10:14:00.000-05:00

825 word article on manga: due 9/22ish.

Must interview contacts over phone/dinner.

400 word stage sidebar about "Partners" at Fell's Point Corner Theatre: due 8/23 at noon.

Must attend play this weekend.

Best of Baltimore blurbs: due 9/1.

Must perform myriad tasks, including locating the best pothole in Baltimore, selecting best zine and comic, best Baltimore-related website, and any number of things.

...and who would you disintegrate for?

2004-08-17T09:09:00.000-05:00

How is it that a Monday night can turn out to be so much fun?

I met up with my Tiffany goddess for the 2nd Frijoles fix of the day, and we bumped into Katie S. The three of us proceeded to drink far too many raspberry gin fizzes and wobble over to the Ottobar for Morrissey Monday, only to find that it was, in fact, Metal Monday.

Still, delightful. Lori and Kat were there. Calabrezi was there. Bourbon was there. Nicole and Paul were not there. Also absent: Yuri, Chuck, Alyson, Cowan, and certain other lovely people who make me smile like a raving idiot. (insert meaningful "ahem") At the time, I wanted everyone to come play with me. And expressed such wishes to my dearest Catherine Bode, who was doubtless delighted to receive a drunken phone call from me at 3 a.m.

I mean, who isn't, really?

Happy power outage, Goucher College! I anticipate five delightful days of writing, sleeping, partying, and SWIMMING...I must go swimming. It needs to happen. I'm sick of talking about it, damn it, let's take action. Do you hear me, Baltimore? DO YOU?

xxxoxoxoox
j.

Current Music: Internal Wrangler, Clinic; Walking With Thee, Clinic; The Great Escape, Blur.

I don't mind if I get broken I don't mind if I get fixed

2004-08-16T15:36:00.000-05:00

This week should be good--Goucher's closed from the 18th through the 20th, so I get a paid 5 day weekend. Part of it should be spent someplace sandy and sunny, damn it. I'll have to see how that pans out. I've got a hefty amount of freelance work awaiting me(Best of Baltimore blurbs, an article on manga), and it would be nice and responsible to deal with some of that.
So I will.

Yes. Riiiight.

Lunch at Frijoles with Nicolina today, and heading to the o-bar later to drink my dinner. I should be able to squeeze in some writing and a workout before then. This is the first week in a while where I don't have a long list of rock shows to go to.

I feel lost. Abandoned. So alone. Oh, rock shows, where have you gone? How can I survive? How am I supposed to live without you? Why am I channeling Michael Bolton? BECAUSE THERE ARE NO ROCK SHOWS. Oh, it is a vicious cycle.

Even the almighty www.pheer.com is letting me down. Fascist Fascist isn't even playing. And they're always playing. Aren't they? AREN'T THEY? WHY, GOD, WHY???

>cries<

xoxox
j.

Current Music: Closer, Joy Division; Honey's Dead, The Jesus and Mary Chain.

i get ahead on my motorbike

2004-08-15T15:49:00.000-05:00

It's a Sunday, and I'm hanging out at K7HD and Angela's place, looking after Sasha, doing my laundry, watching Rufus Wainwright concerts on the telly, and playing Doom 3(!!!). I went for a long hike at Loch Raven earlier, as well--a much-needed chance to clear my liquor-and-nicotine-addled head, accrue bug bites, and frighten deer.

Feeling good.

I saw two of my favorite local bands this weekend--Two If By Sea down in D.C., and Chester Stacey at the Talking Head. The rock was brought by all concerned.

Reading The Rum Diary by Hunter S. Thompson, and one of K7's books, about the cultural significance/history of tattooing. Looking forward to a relaxing evening of crack smoking and the History Channel.

Ah, Sundays...

xxxo

j.

scenesters hating scenesters

2004-08-13T08:46:00.000-05:00

Okay, I've been accused of the "scenester" thing more than a few times.
I know people who know people who know people.
And yeah, I like me a rock show or a eurotrash dj night now and again.
("Now and again" meaning three to four times per week.)

But there's an ugly, callow, catty, and disturbing side to "the scene" that I really can't stand. People all up in my shit! Asking questions they have no right to ask! Making assumptions about things they know nothing about! You know, relating/making genuine connections with people is hard enough without a roomful of people speculating about who you're spending time with, and why, and to what ends.

Too many cooks in the kitchen, kids. Too much high school in my dj night. Get out of my stew!

A rather wise bookstore owner(Rachel) sez that "gossip is currency." She's probably right, and if so, I would like to enact some sort of recession. Or, maybe I should just run up to everyone, randomly, and be like "Excuse me, who are you sleeping with?" "How are those herpes working out for you?" "Did you pee today?"

I'll be the richest girl in the room.

xoxox
j.

p.s. Interpol's bass player is hot as hell.

Current Music: The Red Thread, Arab Strap; Substance, Joy Division; Vespertine, Bjork; "Slow Hands," Interpol.

you know i'm always moanin', but you jumpstart my serotonin...

2004-08-11T08:39:00.000-05:00

I didn't obey the Frijoles craving last night...I didn't even leave my house, to be honest...this week's review is kicking my ass, and coupled with the fact that last week's review(in this week's issue of City Paper, for all y'all who are on normal schedules), wasn't quite up to snuff, imho.

Several things are plaguing my mind this morning:

1. I've discovered an amazing invention. Tomato soap! It's by Burt's Bees, it's bright red, and it looks fucking awesome in my soap dish! The soap dish's many fans will be well pleased.

2. Sometimes I fantasize about chasing our secretary around with exacto knives. This morning, she announced that I "look pale." Well, thanks, "mom." I ALWAYS LOOK PALE. It's a whole side effect of, oh, I don't know, being IRISH and spending large amounts of time cloistered in pitch dark rooms writing! Please don't think I'm flying off the handle here, for this is merely the latest transgression in a long parade of annoying, cloying announcements from said secretary.

3. I don't have any quarters to do my laundry.

And now, a cartoon that describes recent events in my life all too well...
http://www.boltcity.com/copper_016_fall.htm

Lunch with my dearest Allison today. Three words, kids. Honey Sesame Tofu. Unless, of course, we decide to go to Frijoles...heheheh.

xxxxxx

sleepy j. the fire drill

i want to shoot all the superheroes from your skies.

2004-08-10T13:22:00.000-05:00

It's always nice when a gallery visit goes well. It only took 30 minutes to hit the Contemporary Museum today--30 min., 6 paintings, 5 artists, 825 words, yeah, I can do this.

It's Tuesday, and Tuesday means Frazier's karaoke. I crave Frijoles food for dinner...perhaps if I finish half of the review in time, and kick my ass proper at the gym. I'm too poor to do this right now, but fuck it, cravings must be obeyed.

xoxox
j.

so i'm dissatisfied (i love dissatisfied) i love to feel as though there's more that i need

2004-08-09T09:07:00.000-05:00

Remember when people actually answered the phone? I just spent ten minutes navigating the "operator" at Baltimore's Contemporary Museum, which is actually one of those annoying perky recordings that urges you to press 90 million buttons before reaching--not a real person, oh, no, that would be TOO EASY--someone's voice mail, which cheerily informs you that they'll be at the beach until August 31. My deadline is Wednesday. I don't have time for this. Argh.

In other news, MUSE is the best live band on the planet. Argue with me if you like--I won't listen, I'll only stubbornly fold my arms across my chest and stamp my feet in righteous singlemindedness. So there.

This glue stick smells like lemons.

watch me jumpstart...

2004-08-05T09:49:00.000-05:00

TODAY is one of those days where absolutely everything feels like it should have an exclamation point after it! Fire hydrant! Cinnamon scone from coffee shop! The desultory wave that the human resources lady gave me when I got to work! Work! Chickens! Caravans! Camels!
I'm not wearing any socks!

Welcome to Manic-Depressive Theatre! Which is a lot like Masterpiece Theatre, only instead of some stodgy old British guy smoking a pipe, there's me, indulging in Tylenol PM tablets for sleeping and quad-shot cafe americanos for waking.

I'm just joking. Everything's pretty good. Tomorrow is the Curiosa festival, featuring the badass talents of Mogwai, Interpol, The Rapture, Cooper Temple Clause, and the almighty everloving motherfucking MUSE...oh yeah, some band called The Cure or something is also supposed to be playing. I took off work and everything, because I am a big rock geek.

I find the fountain outside my office window oddly hypnotic. It changes direction with the wind, seemingly, and induces fond memories of the time Laura and I jumped into it with all our clothes on, stoned, and had to fish out a dead sparrow that was floating around on the top.

Now I work here.

Hahaha.

xoxoxxxxxx

j.

Current Music: Still, Joy Division; Bee Thousand, Guided By Voices; In The Flat Field, Bauhaus

and i wouldn't dare to bring out this awful bliss

2004-08-04T08:49:00.000-05:00

Blondes or brunettes? The eternal question went unanswered yet again at 2:30 a.m. last night, as Nicole and I *simultaneously* fended off the advances of a drunk, pimply kid outside Frazier's. He really turned on the charm, too, said he'd call us in the morning and everything.

Ewww.

Prior to that, I saw Avec, Karmella's Game, and a sweet all-girl outfit from Indiana called Arcade at the T-head with the ever-fashionable Yuri. It was a really good lineup, until some metal band from Florida took the stage post-Avec and blew everyone out of the club. After seeing Dillinger and the Bronx, I've been spoiled insofar as what metal should be. For me, at best, it is a curiosity...not really music I can get next to or connect with.

My recent wave of paranoia has given way to resigned apathy. This is, in a way, healthier. Just bought my Guided By Voices ticket.

"Don't project, don't connect, protect, don't expect, suggest." -The Edge

xoxox
sleepy j.

...behind the hatred there lies a murderous desire for love...

2004-08-03T15:56:00.000-05:00

This week's City Paper article continues to astound and amuse...spent another hour today talking to the curator, who was so zoned on Vicodin, she could barely remember herself.

When I got back from the gallery, I accidentally hit my crazy bone on my desk--complete chaos ensued. Stars in the air, stabbing pain, blackout, crumpled in a heap on my office floor. Fainting is somewhat enjoyable, as it sets off all my adrenal glands. But now I'm all shaky.

Whee!

Avec is playing the Talking Head tonight, I'll be there, I reckon.

xoxox
j-killah

and they'll be placing fingers in the notches of your spine...

2004-08-02T10:26:00.000-05:00

"Complete with bubbles!" if i click on this pop-up ad 3 times, i will get a spongebob squarepants screensaver "COMPLETE WITH BUBBLES!"

Though i love that phrase, i fucking hate spongebob squarepants. Ah, well.

this weekend was fairly insular and thoughtful, considering that i had an evil head cold for the first half of it. went to maryland art place to start work on this week's art review, i got to stand in a bathroom with an artist while watching a film of said artist wearing a homemade steel chastity belt equipped with a phonograph needle. in the film, he was rubbing records all over his crotch. that was quite something. he said that he has yet to show it to his children, but intends to do so when they are a bit older. i also watched a woman fling molten sugar all over a wall. these are the moments that make it all worthwhile.

I also went to the free water school show @ talking head on saturday, that was just okay. they are very good at what they do, i'm just not all that into what they do. good to see yuri & lori & nicole & paul though. also good when just one rum and coke gets you buzzed. now that's what i call economy.

Sunday was spent writing a lot, reading some Irvine Welsh, and playing video games. It was nice to have some time to myself, but I crave adventure...intrigue...excess...

Give me a ring if you've got any ideas, ducks.

xoxoxo
j.

Current Music: Badly Drawn Boy, One Plus One Is One; The Buzzcocks, Singles Going Steady; The Jam, All Mod Cons; Joy Division, Live at Les Bains Douches

...and baby you be sweet...

2004-07-30T09:45:00.000-05:00

Bar tab at Frijoles last night: 107$ !!! For three people! Isn't that insane?

At least the bartender didn't make me pay for my food. I think everyone forgot about my food, even though it was delicious and involved mountainous quantities of beans. They put crack in the refried beans there. Seriously. I am addicted. Benn is addicted to the tilted windmill. Rachel and I tried "secret" drinks with incredibly effeminate, decidedly un-Mexican names("Two Tickets To Les Mis" and "French Bathrobe"), invented by a bartender who looks kind of like Ian Curtis, once you've had enough Frijolejitos and talked about Ian Curtis long enough. And haven't we, this week? HAVEN'T WE?

Anyway, lesson learned: Don't go out drinking when you feel sick. I don't even know what I'm even doing at work today. Maybe I will go home early, even. And even watch some Buffy and drink some ginger ale, even.

Ugh.

I wish I could go to Estrofest tonight, I really want to see Vestal Vermin and Secret Crush Society. Not to mention my odd fascination with bellydancers, induced by repeated childhood viewings of U2's ZOO TV tour video. Plus they have pretty clothes. Maybe if I feel better.

Two If By Sea is playing in D.C. tonight with some gamine-looking folk singers and some DJs and some shit. That's my little plug for that, though I won't be going, because I feel like crizzap.

xoxo
j-money

machine age lovers

2004-07-29T14:32:00.000-05:00

advice to a lover
you don't have to suffer
relax into your new life
instinct is the enemy
of all you have been taught
but now it's your only guide

and always remember
that it pays to lose control
relax for a moment
let the turbulence take hold

so yes it's worth it... I think
but then what do I know
not much
just as little as anyone
and probably less than you

is my timing that flawed...

2004-07-29T10:41:00.000-05:00

This week is kicking my ass. Things are picking up, Goucher-work-wise, and I have some sort of weird cold that makes me feel like my head is floating above my body. Combined with my recent state of mental flux, this is not a good thing.

But the sun is shining, and the Best of Baltimore meeting amused me(I am sworn to secrecy on the results, but suffice to say some awesome things/people/places will be getting their due, as a result of me interrupting Richard Gorelick, Wendy Ward, and other full-time staffers), and Nicolina and I plan to hit our favorite sketchy Persian place for lunch. Hopefully a steaming bowl of asch will make me feel better. And some hummus. I wanted to hit the gym today, so I need to catch my second wind.

Robitussin, anyone? DM, please.

Many thanks to j-ratt for finding the Ian Curtis videos I was coveting. They're interesting to watch, in light of my fiancee Thom Yorke's famous flailing dance style. Also they kept me from working for fifteen whole minutes. Next I want to read the 33 1/3 book about My Bloody Valentine's Loveless. I was listening to that last night whilst playing Final Fantasy X-2 and literally chasing Cyd around the apartment, because the little fucker wouldn't go back in his pen.

Figures.

xoxo
j.

Current music: Loveless, My Bloody Valentine; Live Box, Bjork; Asobi Seksu, Asobi Seksu

The link to the dancing, for any curious parties: http://www.enkiri.com/joy/videos/videos.html

your rescue squads is too exhausted

2004-07-28T08:36:00.000-05:00

Last night turned out to be odder than I expected...I stayed in due to rain and exhaustion, and got up to my usual tricks...watching White Zombie (a film from the 1930s, notable for its rasping, bone-crunching sound effects), reading Flowers In The Attic(that's some fucked up shit, yo) and reading a 33 1/3 book about the making of Joy Division's Unknown Pleasures.

It was raining really hard, but I sat out on the balcony anyway, reading, and when I got to the part about Ian Curtis's debilitating epilepsy, all kinds of memories and bile from my own experiences came rushing back to the surface, sensations and feelings that I hadn't thought about in 10, 15 years. I felt really edgy for a few hours, keyed up as all fuck, before I realized that I was probably just experiencing the combined effects of a grande caffe americano, my usual medications, and the Tylenol PM pill that hadn't kicked in yet. So.

Drugs are bad, kids. Even over-the-counter ones that are made fresh for you by smiling apron-clad hippies with master's degrees! Don't do drugs!

TODAY is the City Paper Best o' Baltimore meeting. I hope I can contribute enough drivel to secure more than one category to write about so that I can write lots and lots of blurbs and earn a fat check. That is my run-on sentence dream.

Current Music: Psychocandy, the almighty JAMC; ( ), Sigur Ros; anything else that will calm my jangled nerves.

xoxoxox

j.

P.S. I really, really, really want to see a video of Ian Curtis dancing. Anyone who can point me to one on el Internet will earn apotheosis.

i don't care what she says, i need to get out less

2004-07-27T09:06:00.000-05:00

Well, the first practice of the Machine Age Lovers went surprisingly well. Tiff and I swigged bourbon, put together a bassline with an interesting little fill in it, and listened to Chuck nervously caterwaul and shimmy his way through a really depressing sounding song. Rock? Not so much. Spectacle? You bet. We "meet" again next Monday, possibly at a "practice space," with a "drummer."

Me: "So, the Machine Age Lovers. Does that mean we love the machine age, or are we kids who get it on during the machine age?"

Chuck: "Yes."

After "practice," a whole bunch of kids came over to Cris & Chuck's to watch a documentary called The Weather Underground, about Vietnam war revolutionaries/terrorists. It was interesting, and sobering, and long. Afterward, everyone was just sitting around being intellectual, so I skipped over to Club Charles to meet up with Yuri and Lori, who were celebrating Y-Dogg's 24th. He was utterly delighted with the "Real Viper" I picked up for him at the Royal Farms, and kept hitting Lori with it, screaming that he had a "new reptilian friend." Love that kid. We ended up watching another documentary, called Mr. Death, about this engineer named Leuchter who was heavily involved in revisionist history disproving the existence of the Holocaust.

This at 3 A.M.
My brain hurts.

In other news, the new edition of Splotch has hit the internet, including a middling-to-unembarrassing short story by yrs. truly. Check it out at www.splotches.org if you've got time to kill. Also check out new art by the ever-scrumptious Marc Fanberg and Adeye Deresse.

In more personal news, I really need to stop being paranoid and untrusting. Seems like I'm always bracing for the disaster, instead of enjoying & embracing the good stuff without fear of rejection. It takes a lot for me to trust someone, and in the past few days, I've discovered how much it takes. For someone who prides themselves on being laid back and easy going, I can work myself into a hell of a state, for no apparent reason.

This possibly points to the real reason why I always had a crush on LeVar Burton when I was a kid--he was honest, upfront, and you never had "to take his word for it."

Just my paranoia getting the best of me, I guess. I knew it would...it always do...

you have such a beautiful body (you'd make such a beautiful body)

2004-07-26T13:55:00.000-05:00

>yawn.<

Another Monday, kiddies. I had a good weekend...Friday at Frijoles, Saturday riding a horse, jamming with bluesman Eric, and kickin' it with my kids at Britpop night...you haven't lived until you've been chased by giant rats through the alleys behind the Ottobar, whilst trying to keep hold of someone's hand and avoid being hit by cars. Frogger, anyone?

And finally, I spent Sunday seeing the guy from the Homosexuals make an ass out of himself with leather pants, an MLK-emblazoned jacket, and much faux-punk posing. It was the saddest rock spectacle I've seen in a long time, honestly, ever since the time I saw the Sugarhill Gang huff asthma inhalers onstage. DJ Jazzy Tiff and Mary Smith rocked the upstairs bar much harder.

Today is, apparently, the first ever practice of the Young Machine Lovers. I wonder how long they can stand my noodling bass "skills" before kicking me out of the "band." Svengali Chuck says he doesn't care what we sound like, as long as it's "hot."

At least I'll be in tune. I bought a battery for my Quik-Tune and everything.

as you were...
j.

Zombie column! Zombie column!

2004-07-23T09:20:00.000-05:00

The title of this post will only be amusing to those who have seen the seminal internet cartoon Zombie College. Which means, essentially, no one but me. Ah well. Zombie College! Zombie College! All right, I'm done.

I've decided to write a zombie column for the Mobtown Shank. This will ooze pus all over the travesty that was Emily Flake's pirate column, and quite possibly eat its brains. Look out for it.

Today is all about shopping. "Why," you ask? Because TODAY, Anthropologie has opened a branch in the uber-evil Towson Town Center. Anthropologie is its own kind of evil, because the clothes are way, way too expensive. And I am a fashion whore. No apologie.

Plus I just got paid!!!

Lunch break isn't coming soon enough.

xoox
j.

Addendum: Skirt, 2 shirts, underwear, and a motherfucking SOAP DISH. Fashion whore. Retail slut.

makes you wanna feel makes you wanna try makes you wanna blow the stars from the sky

2004-07-21T08:16:00.000-05:00

3 hours.

825 words.

1 brand new Baltimore venue for contemporary art.

Let's do this thang.

j. bowers, hack

Look out for hypothermia. Look out for Daddy's beatings.

2004-07-20T08:23:00.000-05:00

Last Cigarette:
Last night.

Last Alcoholic Drink:
Bourbon and diet coke.

Last Car Ride:
From Starbucks to work.

Last Kiss:
Thursday night...illegally blue eyes, dirty black t-shirt, Joy Division record...sigh.

Last Good Cry:
I don't really remember! This is probably a good thing.

Last Library Book:
A whole pile of books on The Black Aesthetic in modern art, and Melville's Pierre, or the Ambiguities.

Last book bought:
Beautiful Taschen lexicons on Federico Fellini and Alfred Hitchcock.

Last Book Read:
Liquor by Poppy Z. Brite.

Last Movie Seen in Theatres:
Spider-Man 2.

Last Movie Rented:
Floating Weeds, by Ozu; Rashomon, Kurosawa.

Last Cuss Word Uttered:
I'm going to go out on a limb and say "fuck," most likely while I was playing Pac-Man last night.

Last Beverage Drank:
Right now, a quad grande iced Americano, paired with a green Odwalla supafood smoothie. I'm playing "make your own ipecac!"

Last Food Consumed:
Hummus and pita, last night.

Last Phone Call:
Text messaging Tiffany & Yuri & Alyson last night, does that count?

Last TV Show Watched:
Some thing on the PBS about the Greeks. Them Spartans could party down.

Last Time Showered:
3 A.M. last night. Nothing like the post-rock show sweat removal.

Last Shoes Worn:
My brown Japanese slides.

Last CD Played:
The kicking mix that Nicole made yesterday.

Last Item Bought:
The aforementioned film books.

Last Download:
Some Muse bootlegs.

Last Annoyance:
My car.

Last Disappointment:
Christian not updating his blog. Is he dead? Did the mouth herpes get him?

Last Soda Drank:
A clementine flavored Izze juice, yesterday. Or, there was diet coke in my alcohol.

Last Thing Written:
The little blurb at the top of the Goucher Digest. Whee!

Last Key Used:
My car key.

Last Words Spoken:
"No thanks, I'm not hungry."

Last Sleep:
This morning, 3:20 A.M.-8 A.M.

Last Ice Cream Eaten:
I can't really eat ice cream. Don't cry for me Argentina.

Last Chair Sat In:
My cushy green office chair.

Last Webpage Visited:
www.kellysue.com

...the week never starts around here...

2004-07-19T13:55:00.000-05:00

In three words: Busy As Fuck. In good ways, though--last week's "fiery" City Paper review has led to a rash of freelance assignments, including a seat on the Best Of Baltimore committee. Please suggest any categories that you'd like to see in the annual BoB issue...I'm having trouble coming up with any, myself, and the first committee meeting is on 7/28.

Short story forthcoming in Splotch.

Seeing Dillinger Escape Plan tonight, The Hives tomorrow night.

Eschewing full sentences.

xoxoxo
j.

(she will feed you tomatoes and radio wires.)

2004-07-16T09:13:00.000-05:00

I actually have a fair amount of work to do at work today, which is kind of cool. I am also hungry, and violently happy due to beautiful night air, vegan food, and boat watching. Followed that with an impromptu Bible study at Eric and Brad's, and a nice, hazy episode of BTVS.

Yes, geek. I don't care.

Why are all the bars in Fells Point so stupid? I never go in any of them, but I don't need to to know that they are horrible, pastel-drenched dens of crappy cover bands, Abercrombie-wearing winos, and businessmen out on the piss.

I say this, despite the fact that I own a pair of Abercrombie cargo pants and work 9-5.

Ahem.

This weekend is Artscape. Get your arse down to School 33 in particular, their indoor/outdoor "Doppelganger" show looks compelling. Also, Goucher's Rosenberg Gallery has a classy show. And of course you need to eat a funnel cake, or an elephant ear(do they make those in MD?) or something equally deep fried. And get drunken. And check out the rock--Two If By Sea is playing on the UB stage on Sunday afternoon, and in my rather biased opinion, they kick ass.

Rather biased indeed.

Ahem.

Current music: Neutral Milk Hotel, In The Aeroplane Over The Sea; Bjork, Post; Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Fever To Tell; Velvet Underground, Loaded.

2004-07-15T08:47:00.000-05:00

Nauseating, I know.

2004-07-14T14:08:00.000-05:00

Yay! This arrived today. Just ignore the preppy idiot wearing it

Frijolejito!

2004-07-14T13:32:00.000-05:00

Last night I introduced Paul to the wonders of the Frijolejito. It was almost as funny as the time he taught us all that "a penis is a phallic symbol." Classic Paul.

Tonight marks the end of my six(6) day streak of going out on the towne, for the illustrious jules352 is coming to visit me. It'll be weird to be home for the night. My liver and I intend to make up for it at Artscape this weekend.

Ayup.

Current music: Arab Strap, Monday at the Hug and Pint; 1965, Afghan Whigs; Homogenic, Bjork.

I'd like to trip you up...

2004-07-13T10:05:00.000-05:00

Officially, unequivocally, without a doubt, yesterday was the weirdest day of my life.

Yes, that's all you get.

Current music: Clinic, Internal Wrangler; head ringing from the Blood Brothers show last night...among other things...

Blame, etc.

2004-07-12T14:27:00.000-05:00

I think I kind of suck at being an adult. Second fender-bender in less than a month, and what am I concerned about? Well, the money, obviously. And the fact that I can't drive, seemingly. And let's not forget the new, more expensive apartment I just moved into.

But that's enough whining.

There are rock bands at the ottobar tonight, and I won't let this slow me down.

Sofa-obsessed.

2004-07-12T09:39:00.000-05:00

This is the blog.

I've named it "Garden of the Jungle Gods" after a great postcard that my friend Lisa sent at me. Maybe I will sneakily use the scanner at work to post it on here. It's a pretty badass picture. Also badass: my liver, which has been taking quite the beating over the past few days. Holy Frijoles is the devil. As is Frazier's. As is the fact that I have a case of Heineken and a bag of fireworks in my car(aka The Delicious Piece of Toast).

Cyd has been eating parsley. I have been working on a short story about some stoners who accidentally resurrect a zombie dog, after consuming a lot of hallucinogenic cantaloupes which cause them to believe that their mustard-colored sofa is a giant rescue barge. This comes hot on the heels of the new, ongoing book project, which prominently features an orange knaugahyde sofa. (And here I wonder why agents say my work is too avant-garde).

I cleaned my apartment this weekend, which is quite an accomplishment considering that my lifestyle has been of the "come home, eat, change clothes, leave" variety. Not that that shows any signs of stopping, though.

Current music: The Twilight Singers, Blackberry Belle (thanx, Iseli); Substance, Joy Division; Bjork Live Box